My Life

People

2009-09-14T10:37:00.004-04:00

So today I got on my myspace page to check my stuff. And my sister Monica wrote this one her page.....

today is a special day for me.. my father turns 50 today... a day that most did not think he would makes years ago because of drugs and alcohol... alas he is here... im known as the black sheep of the family and most unliked.... but as i stand up and take the place that my 7 siblings could not i am put down because of the way i carry mysel.... whether you married into money or are just to stupid and drunk to realize it.. my father needs you now... you know how to get ahold of people call and find out how to make him smile on this day... dont be selfish as you have.

So for those that know me I had to say something to her about it. So here is that I wrote her.....

I know you are talking about me when you say i married into money. I got news for you. Yea his family might have money but that don't mean that he does. He works his ass off to take care of me and our son. I work my ass off also. Unlike you I don't have time to go out and party I have a child to take care of. So you can run your mouth all you want but you will never bring me down. I am better then that. I was going to call him today but i don't think he is being a father to me. I love him to death but hey I am not going to let stupid people like you get me down. You don't have a right to call anybody selfish. I think your the one that is selfish. Hell you go away for so many years and you come back in the picture and you want dad to take you in. Hell when my mom and dad were done you saw a chance to get close to him again. Lets not talk about when he got sick and found out he was going to get money. This is what your 2nd time living with him? Now that is what you call selfish. Go ahead take his money just like nikki did and his house. We know where you are going. Just in case you didnt know already. YOUR GOING TO HELL. Right along with everybody that is tring to do what your doing. Don't play games with me. So you stay out of my life and things will be just fine. It is time to grow up and get a life.

She wrote back and this is what she wrote.......

im using dad for his money oh no i beg to differ... im the one who works my ass off... 7 days a week to make sure your father has everything he needs... i dont use him for his money i have my own i actually pay half the bills unlike nikki... i have a car payment i have a car i dont sit on my ass all day and watch kids for free... you call that working?? the only reason you have anything is because of his parents and him not because of you... thats marrying into money... dont start with me you are nothing and will always be nothing... you wanna say dad isnt being a dad to you... how so? because he doesnt call you?? the phone goes both ways... because he didnt take your side when you spoke out about uncle fred? if you remember correctly neither one of our parents took my side when i spoke up about the same thing.... hes doing his best he is disabled im the one who takes him to his doctors appointments im the one who is there when hes in the hospital with high blood pressure... me and ashley... you call yourseldf the better sister... i have to laugh at that and i wasnt talk about just you i was talkin about your dead beat brother too... that whole side of the family is a piece of shit not just you

And this is what I had to say about it....

whatever you can call us whatever you want. If it wasn't for my dead beat family your ass would of been in foster care for most of your life. My mom and dad took your ass in when your own mother didn't want you. I am not the one that was alway hit by my mother like you. At least my mom was there for me and she would never give up her children. And for your info I don't sit around babysitting for free. I get paid really good money. And also that whole thing about uncle fred i don't really care if they didn't take my side. I just needed to let them know. It is in the past.
Your just mad that i have everything you want. I have a wonderful husband and a kid that i get to see everyday. See if you were any kind of a mother you would be with your kids and the father. But you like to go and fuck every guy you meet. I don't know why you call yourself a mother.
Ok lets talk about the hospital thing. Yea I know i am not there for all his visits. But how in the hell am i to know that he is there. NOBODY EVER CALLS ME AND LETS ME KNOW. SO that is why i am not there. OK got one for you. Where in the hell was you when he had OPEN HEART. Oh wait i can answer that.....YOU WASN"T THERE. It was me and ashley there.... So don't say i wasn't there for him. Why would I call him for? I don't have anything to say to him. Last time I talked to him he didn't have any kids...So why in the hell would i call and talk to him. I love him but he has hurt me for the last time....
And about the whole married in the family yea they help out ever now and again. But that still doesn't mean we have money.....So go live your life and i will live mine.....I am done with you. So go get an STD from some guy. Keep not talking and see your kids like you are.....I will sit here on my fat ass and watching my kid grow into a wonderful young man.......

2nd Chance

2009-06-21T19:01:00.006-04:00

So I have been thinking alot these last few weeks. Some of it is good and some of it is bad. I have realized that I let other peoples problems get to me. I don't know why I care. I have also notice that people only calls me when something bad or they need me to do something for them. Like can you watch my kids because I want to have some time to myself. I don't mind watching them every once in awhile. But hey I am not the one that had more then one kid. Like my dad all he wants when he calls is can you do this for me. 95 percent of the time I would. But let me tell you the other 5 percent when I don't all hell breaks loose. Like the other day when I was with my sister helping her move into her place he called and asked her to go get him. She said that she couldn't because she was moving he was like OK fine I guess I don't have any kids that I can depend on. So I don't have any kids anymore.

So at the beginning of the week I have told myself that I am going to start my life over for the best. I am not going to care what people do with their lives. I am not going to worry about peoples problems. I am going to live my LIFE to the fullest. I will let a few people that really care about me in my new life. So what I am saying is that I am done with my dad. I am letting him go on with his life and I don't want any part of it. I don't want him in my life. I know that sounds mean and all but that man has put me and my love ones threw hell and back.

Since I have started my new life. Things are turning out great for me. I have a wonderful husband that loves me. And a awesome son that means the world to me. We are looking to buy our first home. That we can call our own. Well I think that is it for now. I will have to write more often then I do.

Way over due 2

2009-05-22T14:10:00.002-04:00

So I don't really have much to talk about these days. But I thought that I would write something.

Everything is going great with the family. My boy only has 4 days of school left then he is going to be a 1st grader. I can not believe he is growing so fast. Sometimes I wish he was still a new born. The reason why I say that is because he wants nothing to do with me. It is always daddy and his pawpaw. Don't get me wrong I am glad that he them but I wish he would spent some time with me. Anyways he is doing very good in school. He had to do some kind of reading test and he got a 20 witch means he scored in the 2nd grade level in reading. I knew he was a smart little one. So I am one proud mother at this point.

But I have to change to a new subject. And I know that this is going to make one person really pissed but I need to get it out. So I take my son and his friend to the bus stop every morning. But on Wednesday this old lady really start ticking me off. She thinks she is the boss of the boys. So it all started when they wanted to look at the pool because they put water in it and getting it ready to open. So i was like go ahead look at it I don't care. Anyways she told them to get out of the grass because there is dog poop in it. I was like they have eyes they can see fine. So that was day one. So on Thursday the boys raced to the bus stop and she was like walk. So I said they r boys and they are not doing anything wrong. I am the boss of them not you. OK this is were someone is going to get really pissed. So this morning we get to the bus stop and the lady said look there is a worm. So Anthony went over there and said were and the lady showed him. So he was like watch this and of course he stomped on it. So the lady raised her hand like she was going to hit him. I was like you better not even touch my boy. I don't know who she is but she better never raise her hand at my boy again. I will KILL her. Well that is about it.

Way Over Due

2009-04-26T18:29:00.003-04:00

I don't know why I haven't wrote in awhile. I guess I haven't wanted to. But I should try to keep up with it.

So lets see I turned 25 last month. Also I got my permit. I am happy about that one. I can go and take the driving test the end of May. I can't wait. I don't have to wait on people to take me some where and I don't have to ask. I will beable to do it. I don't have to ask anybody to do anything for me ever again. Came on May.

Alittle about the kids in my life. Anthony is getting so big and a handful. Ever since he started school he is not the same person as he was. He is almost done with kindergarten. I am going to be am mom of a 1st grader.

Jayna is getting big herself. She is 8 months old already. I am just the aunt and I feel like where has the time gone. It was like yesterday she was born. I love those kids.

*Other news* My brother is not going to be a father after all. She said she had missed carried. My brother don't think she was pregnant at all. Because she wouldn't go to the doctor for check ups. But I don't know. If she did I feel for her. But on a good note my baby sister is going to be a mommy. I found out one day last week. I can't beleive that one. But I saw the paper. lol I think that is it. Oh wait... On my birhtday I meet my other sister for the first time. Her name is Nikki. She has 4 kids. But really I think that is it.

Venting

2009-03-11T20:00:00.000-04:00

So my sister Ashley came and saw me the other day. She was telling me about what our other sister is doing to her. She went on telling me she found out from a her ex boyfriend's sister that our sister had slepted with him. I don't know about the rest of you but you don't go and sleep with your sister's ex. So I was on myspace today and the ex wrote a blog saying that he went out to some bar with our sister. So that set my sister off really bad. OH YEA THEY LIVE TOGETHER. MY SISTERS THAT IS.

See the sister that i am talking about is 25. And the other one just turned 20. I know that it is not my problem and I souldn't worry about it. But I feel sorry for my sister and the stuff she is going threw.

So Proud

2009-02-25T19:08:00.006-05:00

So my sons school is doing this reading thing. And he is doing so good. He has read over 550 books. So today he got this letter.

I am so proud of him. I hope he still does this good in school when he is in middle school and high school.

Something funny

2009-02-22T06:30:00.003-05:00

So we got a new wii game yesterday. It is Guitar Hero World Tour. This is one of my sons favorite games that he likes to play because he can do it on beginner. But I was sitting watching him play it. I have notice that when he has a itch he uses one hand to scratch it and he plays with the other one. I hope to get a picture of him doing it. But I guess you have to see it for yourself.

So Proud Of Him

2009-02-19T06:30:00.005-05:00

So Today my boy had to write a story for school. He had to pick a picture and write about it. So of couse he wanted to write about race cars. But I wanted to show you all some of his work.

He also wrote a story at school about balloons. Here is that one. Now you can see why I am so proud of him.

Update

2009-02-18T09:26:00.002-05:00

Well just an update on the hole finding my real dad thing. My cousin stopped by lastnight and I was telling him that I was looking for him. He said why would you want to find him for? So he tried helping me out so he called one of his friends and see if he had talked to him. The guy said he hasn't heard from him since last summer. He went on telling me that I don't want to find him.

So I called my mom and told her what was going on. She told me that she wanted to be the first one to talk to him before I do. She told me that the reason she lefted him because he was no good. So once again I don't know what the hell to do. I have a right to know who my real dad is don't I? But I don't want him comming in my life if all he is going to do is hurt me. And if my cousin and mom is right I don't think I want to find him anymore. Hell I don't even know if he knew that I changed my name when I was in the 5th grade.

Dropped A Bomb

2009-02-17T14:02:00.003-05:00

So today I got a call from my mom. She said that she had some news for me. I was like what is it now. She was looking online and she came across my real father's wife's name. And she keeped reading and she had pasted away. But anyways she told me that he has another son and two kids. I was like ok what does that mean to me? She said that he is your brother. I was like why did you tell me this? She said that I know you have been tyring to find your father and I thought it might help you out.

I have been tyring to find him. My mom told me along time ago that he lived close to me. But every time I try finding him I would not get anywhere. I did put in this other name she gave me and I found a address on him. But I couldn't get a phone number on him. I am not going to go to somebody house and say 'hey I think you are my brother."

So I don't know what to do about any of this. I think if I do find them. Will my mom and dad get upset with me? Because he is never there for me and my brother Matt. I don't want to hurt my mom if I do find him. How would I go about finding him? Everything I tried got me nowhere. Do I really want to meet him after all he is the one that left us. So if you can PLEASE help me out on a way that I can find them better.

Alittle Something

2009-02-14T21:55:00.004-05:00

So friday I got a gift from my niece. It is so pretty. I wasn't the only one that got one. My son and husband got one from her to. I feel so loved. But I wanted to share it with you all. So here it is......

The one in the tin is for my son. Don't they look so cute. Thank you baby girl for the gift.

Mother Son Dance

2009-02-12T08:13:00.003-05:00

So my sons school is having a dance for Mothers and their sons. I can not wait to go. It is not like I can dance or anything but it will be nice to spend time with my boy one on one. He was telling me the other day that we don't spend enough time together. So I am glad that we can do this together. I will post pictures when I get them.

Well there is only 1 picture. I forgot my camera. Oh I was so mad that i forgot it. But we had so much fun. He didn't want to dance with me. All he wanted to do is be with his friends. I had fun watching him dance and being a kid. I saw a side of him that I never saw before.

7 Years

2009-02-08T09:45:00.003-05:00

So today I have been with the love of my life now for 7 years. I love him to death. I would not be the person I am today. So I wanted to show him how much I love him. So I was online and I was looking for a poem. And I found one. So here it is...

What I Love About You

I love the way you look at me,Your eyes so bright and blue. I love the way you kiss me, Your lips so soft and smooth. I love the way you make me so happy, And the ways you show you care. I love the way you say, "I Love You," And the way you're always there. I love the way you touch me, Always sending chills down my spine. I love that you are with me, And glad that you are mine.

-Crystal Jansen-

I hope he know that I love him with all my heart. And I hope that we can spend the next 7 years together or longer. And I want to tell Tony thank you for being there for me and loving me.

Karma...

2009-02-02T08:29:00.003-05:00

I guess what they say is true. Karma is a bitch. So my mother in law sliced her thumb changing her blade to her cutter. So I was giving her a hard time about it. So yesterday I was getting things out of my dryer and some how I cut my thumb. How do you ask? Well I am a lazy person when it comes to me cleaning. So I try to get everything in one trip. So I put everything on the dryer door and grab them. But some how I ran my thumb across a sharp part on the door. So I have learned not to make fun of anybody who has hurt themselves because I don't want that bitch Karma to come back. LOL

I Feel....

2009-01-27T23:15:00.007-05:00

I feel like I am alone in this world. It all started when my parents decided to get a divorce. I lost my dad because he didn't want to grow up. I lost my younger brother because he wanted to act like my dad and not grow up. Also I lost my younger sister. I really don't know why I lost her. Oh wait now I remember she moved in with my sister that I don't get along with. So she don't call or stop by like she used to do. They all clam to love me but I don't ever hear from them. What kind of family does that? My family does that. I lost my cousin because she got mad at me for not watching her kids when she wanted me to watch them. I don't get to see my mom or my other brother because they live to far.

Don't get me wrong I have my sister in law and mother in law and my husband's family. But it is not the same. I love them all but I need my family also. What did I do for my family to treat me the way they do? I am only one person and I can only take so much. I don't know how much more of this I can take. It is eating me up inside that I don't have my family here for me when I need them the most. I am to the point in my life I don't want anything to do with anybody or anything. NO I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO HURT MYSELF OR ANYBODY ELSE. I am done trying to please everyone. I can't do it anymore. I am going to live my life the way I want. I don't care what anybody has to say about it. If you don't like it oh well it is my life. AND I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. But thank you for caring.

Growing Up

2009-01-27T10:36:00.007-05:00

So it has been over a week since I have posted anything. So I got a call from a family member lastnight. I have not talked to this person in awhile. But they told me that someone in the family was stealing meds. and money from there own father. What kind of person could do that to there own dad? Anyways they stole over 50 pills and I don't know how much money. But he would write himself checks and get them cashed. So this person's dad found out about it and he did what was right and he called the cops on him. If I was this person's dad I would of done the same thing. I think this person sould go to jail and sit there. Maybe they will think next time before they rip off their own dad. It is time to grow up.

On a good note. My niece is growing up so fast and she is so smart. And my little man is growing into a Man before my eyes. I don't know where the time has gone but I wish it would slow down.

My Little ManMy Niece Jayna

See what I was telling you. They are just growing up so fast. Why cant they just stay the way they are?

Yeah Scrapbooking

2009-01-18T16:19:00.005-05:00

So yesterday was our first get together since forever ago. It was nice to get together just us girls. There was one less this time but she will be back. So I didn't get anything i wanted to get down because I helped my mother in law and sister in law make a scrapbook for their hair dresser that is having a baby soon. I had alot of fun helping them with it. I also had fun messing with my mother in law.

So last night I started working on a page of my niece. I had it done but I didn't like how it looked so I took it apart and started all over again. I like how it looks but it is really plain. I don't know why but I have to get used to using pink and girl colors. But here is how it turned out. Tell me what you think of it.

My Niece

Where has the time gone?

2009-01-15T18:25:00.004-05:00

I am almost 25 years old and I don't think I have done anything with my life. What I am trying to say I dropped out of school and got pregnant. Don't get me wrong I love being a mom. But what would of happened if I waited to have a kid? What I mean is I had a plan. I would finish high school then I would of went to college then find a good job, then get married and have kids. I would of done it in that order. But things change. I would like to finish school someday.

Out Of The Blue

2009-01-08T18:50:00.001-05:00

So I got a phone call today. You would never guess who it was. It was my dad. Before I answered the phone I looked at the caller ID and I knew the name and I thought to myself what the hell does he want now.

All he wanted to tell me was he went to court yesterday and the judge finally gave the go ahead with his disability. So he is getting it after so many years of trying. I am happy for him. Now he can move on with his life.

But of course we he had to start on my mom. What is new. I guess he will never grow up and be an adult. I told him that I really didn’t want to hear him talk bad about my mom. She didn’t do anything wrong. So some of the things I toned out because I would of went off on him.

Here is one thing he told me and it really pissed me off. He said that he had the best Christmas of his life. I asked him why is that. He responded because I got to spend it with my daughters. I told him but the only ones that was there was Ashley and Nikki. And Nikki just started to come around. That hurt me really bad. I wanted to tell him how can you sit there and say that when you have 4 other children. I just wish he would grow the fuck up. Sorry I am very upset. And I don’t know why I am because I have a wonderful family and I hate to say it but it doesn’t involve him in it. Oh what hurt the most is when I told him that I love him and he said I have to go. But I am done sweating it.

Weekly Update

2009-01-04T19:45:00.003-05:00

Wednesday 12/31

So I got a text from my brother. Remember this is the brother I went off on because of the stuff he was saying about my mom. But anyways he asked me what I was doing because he wanted to come over and spend some time with me and the boy. And he also wanted me to meet the mother of his child. He even bought us lunch. He told me that he wanted to make things right between us. I was surprised to here that from him. It was a nice visit.

Thursday 1/1

So we had a New Years get together today. My sister in law and her family came and my father in law came also. But I wished that my mother in law and her family would of came. They were missed. We had fun. We ate and talked and we watched the kids play. I think that we might try to have this again next year and I hope that my mother in law will make it next time if we have it again.

Friday 1 / 2

Not to much happened today. My husband took off work to spend some time with our boy before he started school on Tuesday. So they spent some of the day home with me and the kids that I watch during the day. I had to kick them out because I could not get them to sleep with them in the house. But I still love them. But I am glad that they get to spend time together. But that is about it that happened on this day.

Saturday 1/3

So my husband told me that he was having a guy and his family come over to watch the Colts game with him. I say with him because I can careless about football. Sorry all the football fans out there. I did not mind it. We all ate and talked and played the Wii. It was fun to have someone else to talk to. This was a very long day for me because they did not leave here until midnight. I was so tired. But we had a lot of fun.

Sunday 1 /4

So I got to spend some time with my boy and husband. I took them out to lunch and then we went to Wal-Mart so I could get some scrapbooking stuff for our get together on the 17th. I can not wait it has been forever since we all got together and scrapbooked. But after we got home from the store I sat down and got some layouts together. Then I had to stop what I was doing to start dinner. So over all I had an ok day with my guys. I love spending time with them.

Sick and Tired

2008-12-31T07:52:00.002-05:00

OK so this one isn’t nice either. But I am trying to work on that. What’s got me hot this time is my family. I have realized after 6 years of being with my husband is that they only call or come see me is when they want something from me. My husband has been saying it the whole time we been together. I was just to blind to see it.

But I have realized it on Christmas Day. Don’t get me wrong my Christmas was great. But when I called my sister to wish her a merry Christmas and she told me that she was with my dad and sister that I have never met. I asked her to tell dad that I said merry Christmas and she did. But he had a smart ass remark. And it was “yea that’s nice, whatever.” That really hurt me. I thought to myself I was the only one that was there for you when the others turned there back on you. But I didn’t say anything. But I am over it somewhat. I am still hurt though.

I don’t know what it is about me that people think they can walk over me and use me. I try my hardest to help people out. And I fall for it all the time. But on a good note my husband has been there for me threw all of this. I just want to thank him from the bottom of my heart.

Some of my work

2008-12-30T07:55:00.008-05:00

Here are some of the stuff I do when I have some free time. You would think that I would have all the time in the world to do whatever I want to do. Since I am a stay at home mom and a babysitter.

I know that it is plain but that is how I like it with tons of ink.

Once again plain but with tons of ink.

I love the colors in this one.
So there is some of my work. Hope you enjoy looking at them. I plan on getting alot done in the next year. That is going to be one of my goals for the new year. I know I will have tones to do with my son and niece getting bigger and I will have tones of pictures to scrapbook them.

Responsibility

2008-12-29T13:07:00.001-05:00

I told myself when I started this blog that I was going to stay positive about things. But something’s really gets under my skin. Like how can these parents have more then one child and play favorites between them. I think that is not right. You should treat them all the same way. Some people might see it a different way. I am the kind of person that will keep my mouth shut but when it comes to kids I might say something about it.

The other thing that gets under my skin is these parents that have kids and the clam that they love them but they don’t spend time with them or so on. You are the ones that wanted to have these kids why don’t you grow up and take care of them. Some parents like to party and do other things instead of taking care of them. It is ok to go out without them every now and again. But come on now everyday is not ok. I told you all that this is one thing that gets under my skin.

My Favorite People

2008-12-28T18:56:00.009-05:00

My Niece

My Nephew

My Little Man I have more to put on here but I have to find some good ones of my husband and the rest of them. So stay tune because there will be a few more.

2008

2008-12-27T19:41:00.004-05:00

So in 2008 my year started off bad. I found out that my husband was messing around with my best friend of so many years. I also found out who my true friends are. About the same time I also found out that my mom was leaving my dad of 17 years. So I was pretty much heart broking at the beginning of the year. The year also got better for me. I celebrated my 1 year wedding anniversary with my husband. I also found out that my sister in law was going to have a baby. So I was going to be an aunt again. The little one made her way in the world in August. So when her mom had to go back to work that I would be the lucky one to watch her. Can you say one happy Aunt? LOL.

So when everything started with my parents separating. My dad tried to have me choose between him or my mom. I could not do that because they were my parents. So it went down from there. My dad started talking all kinds of stuff about my mom. He also had my younger brother saying all kinds of stuff about her and her boyfriend. So when I heard that I went off. I went off on my brother and my dad. So in the end I had to make a chose I never thought I would never have to and I choose my MOM over my dad.

But on a good note. I am happy with how things turned out in the year of 2008. There are some things I would of done different but for the most part I had a good year. I am ready for the new year and what is in store for me and my love ones.

Hello

2008-12-26T14:18:00.001-05:00

Hello I am new to the blog world. I was told that I should get one from my mother in law. So here I am. I am a mother to wonderful son. He is 6 and he is the smartest little man I know. I am also a wife to the most wonderful man.